Life with Lloyd

When I came in to work this morning, my admin person pointed out to me that we seem to have a new pet. Evidently she spent 20 minutes this morning talking to a new friend who, judging from the pile of paper shreds and peanuts sheds found there, lives behind one of my bookshelves. For no apparent reason, we've taken to calling him(her?it?) Lloyd.
When word got out to the rest of my office (All women, in case you wondered.) they immediately started calling for blood. Luckily, I was able to find a site that sells live-traps for mice. Dot's already ordered 2 of them, and she's started putting pieces of oatmeal cookie back by his nest, which he seems to be eating very quickly, so he's ready to hop into the trap when it gets here.
Now we're discussing whether we should get an office pet. I'm voting for a rat.
This may be the most encouraging sign about my workplace I've had in a very long time.

Instructions

SA and I cleaned out and organized our filing cabinet yesterday. She has to help me with this stuff because, given my druthers, I keep EVERYTHING. Among all the flotsam and jetsam, we found a number of product manuals, just in case you can't remember how to use something you've owned for 5 years. Being as I was kind of looking over her shoulder, I had a difficult time figuring out what some of the manuals were actually for, and why I had kept them. Chief among those questions was, apparently, an instruction manual for a can-opener.

Though it turned out that I had misread the cover, all I could think was, "Good grief. Even I must think I'm an idiot."

Oh! My Bleeding Heart...

Well. It's Office Christmas Party Season. Well, maybe it WAS Christmas Party Season. I know we're done with ours, thank God...

SA's party was last weekend. She works for a non-profit, so their Christmas party consists of a potluck supper at one of the employees houses. She gets a small gift/bonus every year - a gift certificate to use at any of a few local shops.

Saturday was my Christmas Party. I work for a decent-sized, very much for-profit business with a number of different small companies in 3 different town making up the whole that is our corporation. Our Christmas Party was Black-Tie-Optional. (Talk about misnomers... It's optional as long as you don't mind looking like a degenerate who has no idea of how to dress in polite company. My wife might disagree with me, but I counted three guys who weren't in at least a jacket and tie.) Anyway, as you'd guess, it was held at a major local country club and featured 3 different dinner selections, party favors that cost more than SA's bonus for each attendee, an open bar (Again, thank God.), a live band, and a concert from a local choral group. To top it off, we all received our Christmas bonuses. I receive a moderately small bonus, because I haven't' been with the company for very long. I found out that some administrators get many times what I got. My bonus was still TEN TIMES what SA got.

And amid all this ridiculously overblown merriment, complete with a multitude of melodramatic speeches about corporate synergy and how we are all one big family, all I could think was, How many poor f-ing families could we have subsidized Christmas for if we'd opted to have a f-ing pot luck????

Sometimes I HATE corporate America.

The reason I won't be reading ANYTHING by MIchael Chrichton anymore...

Hey Gang. Sorry it's been so long. I've been, well.... I dunno. I've been busy, but not really any more so than normal. I guess I'm just a generally shitty blogger. I'll try to do better.

Anyway, I've got my undies in a bunch this morning, so I figured it was probably time to vent.

I love to read. As a general rule, I'll read just about anything, but my favorite genres tend to be fantasy/science fiction and suspense. Therefore, I've read just about everything that Michael Chrichton has written. Yes, I realize it's just pulp and that he's not a great writer, but his plot-lines are generally interesting and that pretty much all I ask.

No more.

It turns out that he's a right-wing wack-job. This, in itself, is not reason enough for me to stop reading his books. I have, after all, been to MANY Ted Nugent concerts. (I still have nightmares about cardboard cutouts of Janet Reno...) However, it also turns out that Chrichton's a totally socially-maladjusted, vindictive asshole. (Thank You to Think Progress for tipping me off to this.)

Chrichton is a vocal critic of Global Warming. (Maybe that's a bad way to phrase that. I mean, anybody with half a clue is a critic of Global warming. What? We should support it? What i mean to say is that Chrichton is the kind of scientific oblivious moron who doesn't think it exists. I say this as I look out my window on December 15th at green grass in Northern Michigan. ) In 2004, he release the novel State of Fear, wherein he depicts global warming as a a hoax concocted by environmentalists to raise money. He has since met with our Moron-In-Chief to discuss this and the two of them are in near-total agreement.

As a response to Chrichton's public stance on this subject, last March, New Republic senior editor Michael Crowley wrote a cover story called “Jurassic President: Michael Crichton’s Scariest Creation.” It talked about how dangerous this stance was, especially when it's held by the f-ing President.

From Think Progress-


Crichton’s response was to smear Crowley in his latest novel, Next, by writing in a character named “Mick Crowley” who rapes a two-year-old boy. The following is a graphic excerpt from Crichton’s novel (reader beware):

Alex Burnet was in the middle of the most difficult trial of her career, a rape case involving the sexual assault of a two-year-old boy in Malibu. The defendant, thirty-year-old Mick Crowley, was a Washington-based political columnist who was visiting his sister-in-law when he experienced an overwhelming urge to have anal sex with her young son, still in diapers. Crowley was a wealthy, spoiled Yale graduate and heir to a pharmaceutical fortune. …

It turned out Crowley’s taste in love objects was well known in Washington, but [his lawyer]–as was his custom–tried the case vigorously in the press months before the trial, repeatedly characterizing Alex and the child’s mother as “fantasizing feminist fundamentalists” who had made up the whole thing from “their sick, twisted imaginations.” This, despite a well-documented hospital examination of the child. (Crowley’s penis was small, but he had still caused significant tears to the toddler’s rectum.)

The real-life Michael Crowley is also a Washington journalist and also graduated from Yale.

Well, that's it for me. I absolutely HATE IT when people can't come up with a reasonable argument so they resort to name calling. And truly, I can't honestly think of anything worse to call someone than "child-rapist".

Even for all you right-wingers out there, (And again, what are you doing reading MY blog?) I can't imagine being willing to support anyone who behaves that way, regardless of his political views.

Good grief...

Congrats to me!

Thanks to everybody who's tuned in this month to the blog. I've officially had my most hits ever this month.

Sorry...

Hey gang. Sorry about the week with no entries. Life's busy and the blog just kind of faded into the background.

Life has mainly been focused on surviving Thanksgiving. We went down to Sam's Aunt Rachel and Uncle Jeff's house for dinner in G.R. on Thursday. Then we attended S.A.'s cousin Amy's wedding on Friday in Port Huron. Then SA and I went shopping in Detroit and Birch Run on Saturday.

Sam and I just vegged on Sunday.


Dinner was, as always, enjoyable. Jeff got a new Wii as an early Christmas present and we spent a good amount of time trying out all the different games on Thursday evening.

The wedding was nice. (Also, SHORT - which definitely lends itself to a good wedding ceremony, as far as I'm concerned.) A half-dozen of us sat in a corner chatting (and imbibing copious quantities of beer) for most of the evening before Jeff (H.), Jeff (or Joe, if you prefer), Dave, Holly, Amy's friend Amanda, and I went to the hotel bar to watch a one-man-80's-band perform (HORRIBLE). Then Amanda, the Jeff's, and I took off to Jack's Tavern until closing time, playing table-top shuffleboard and the like. I can't remember the last time I closed down a bar. Probably college. Anyway, good times.

Sam's ear infection is much better, but his first 2 teeth are coming in, so he's a bit pissy right now.

And I think that's about it. Thank God. I can't imagine anybody really cares about any of this, but I figured I'd better write something or I'd lose my loyal readership. :)

I promise next entry will be more interesting. Probably.

Laterz

Life is Good

I can think of nothing nicer than rocking my 7-month-old son (who's recovering from yet another ear infection) to sleep.

Those of you who don't have children, you cannot even fathom what you're missing.

God, I'm lucky to be home to do this stuff. Sunday rocks.

Satisfying Lunch Breaks...

Every day, I try to leave my office for the better part of an hour in order to regain a small piece of my sanity. Today, I met SA and Sam at the pediatrician's office (he has ANOTHER ear infection) so I could take Sam back to daycare while SA went to her Dr's appointment across town.
When we got to daycare, the ladies were just starting to feed all Sam's pals so it was a little bit lively in there and many very short people were vying for whatever attention they could get. I stayed for 20 minutes or so to help out. Okay, who am I kidding? I stayed because playing with babies (Mine, yours, anybody's...) makes me happy.
So Thank You to Ms. Cortney, Ms. Sherrie, and Ms. Jan for letting me stick around. I definitely felt much better when I left than I did when I got there.
Also, when I got back to my office, the receptionist has somehow acquired real, honest-to-God, 4-inch-high-bang-creation mall hair. It was great. I asked her if she'd like me to run out for scrunchies or jelly shoes to complete her ensemble.
I figure I don't need to regain sanity anymore because my co-workers are obviously joining me in my insanity.

LIfe notes

My son (the Little Red Crustacean, if you read S.A's blog,) is a very unique little guy. Even though WebMD says it's highly unlikely, he has managed to contract strep throat. Since you're not suppose to get Strep until you're at least 3, I'm choosing to take this as further evidence that he's very advanced, rather than yet another indication that he's awfully sickness-prone.

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Sometimes I HATE my job. I just spent 15 minutes figuring out, via the phone, that one of my co-workers printer wouldn't work because it wasn't plugged in correctly. Even though we theoretically checked it 3 times. How do these people remember to breathe.

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Though most of us are not financial geniuses, if someone were to mention a "credit-debit" to you, would you not think they were a moron? Or at least have no f-ing clue what they were talking about? What about a "Britannical Garden"? I assume that must be where they grow the encyclopedia...

BitTorrent

I love BitTorrent. I just thought I should mention that. I'm going to assume that, if you're reading my blog, you're already familiar with BitTorrent. For anybody who doesn't already know, it's a peer-to-peer file sharing program that allows you to download stuff from many different people at once. It basically makes sharing huge files much more feasible than it would otherwise be. For instance, you can download pretty much any episode of your favorite TV show if you missed it last week. (I know this because I had to download Studio 60 a few weeks ago. Slick.)

I know that many of you techies out there are yelling "It promotes Piracy!" and you're right, however, sometimes it's the only way to accomplish a goal.

Case-in-point- I had a client contact me asking if my company could teach her to use Adobe PageMaker 7.0. I have an instructor who's fluent in PageMaker, so he'd be able to teach her. The problem is that we don't have PageMaker in my classroom anymore and you can't buy it anymore, because Adobe quit producing it a couple years ago. Which is where BitTorrent comes in.

Using Azureus, (my BitTorrent client of choice) I was able to download someone else copy of PageMaker in a little less than an hour and use it to teach this person how to use it. And then I can throw it out we're done, because I don't need a copy of PageMaker.

Also, when it asked me to register the program when I installed it, I put in all my boss's contact information, so if Adobe wants to sue somebody for pirating their program, they'll know who to look at.

Affirmative action

A little fair warning- This post is just off the top of my head. Some details contained in it may well change in the furute as new information presents itself to me. Just so you know...

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Well, SA blogged about Proposition 2 today and, as is invariably the case, somebody felt it necessary to cry out in the comments section that all the poor, beleaguered white men want is a fair shake, doggone it. Okay, I guess I'm paraphrasing a little. His (I'm assuming it's a him.) actual words were, “Every opponent that has spoken out about this proposal has failed to answer one simple question. Can you answer it? What is wrong with equal protection under the law?"

I don't feel as strongly as SA does about the necessity of affirmative action in employment. That's not to say I don't feel it's necessary, it's just saying that I won't be burning my bra about it any time soon. My feelings about affirmative action are much stronger in relation to higher education.

I grew up in a very small town in Northern Michigan. I graduated from high school with 54 students, all of them white. However, (even though my high school guidance counselor told me I was insane) I went to college in Miami, Fl. The biggest reason I left home was because I knew it was important for me to see something different. My parents instilled this in me from a very early age. Unfortunately, most people in the world are afraid of anything different.

I explain all this for a reason. The best part, I repeat- THE BEST PART of my college education is that I went to a school with a tremendously diverse population. I learned a HUGE amount about the rest of world and the way people experience it because I went to school with a whole ton of people who were VERY different from me. Had I gone to a small school in Michigan - Northern Michigan University is almost exactly the same size - I would not have had that experience, because, like most public universities in Michigan, Northern's student population is almost exclusively white.

One exception to the lily-white rule in Michigan is the University of Michigan. Michigan has admitted that they do weigh race into their admissions decision-making because they feel that diversity is an important part of a positive college experience. I'm sure that they'd rather not have to look at race but the problem is that, in the United States, minorities tend to be concentrated in urban areas and, unfortunately, inner-city schools tend to be inferior to their suburban and even rural counterparts. Because minority students often get an inferior high school education, to weigh their desirability compared to white students solely on their grades and test scores would not result in nearly as many minority students attending Michigan as the school wants. So they factor race into the equation.

Anti-affirmative action advocates often state that this is unfair to white students. They're wrong. By having a more diverse population, colleges provide a more positive experience for ALL their students. Also, for all the folks who say, "Now you have students in school who shouldn't be there because they didn't get a good enough education to be successful at a school like Michigan!" check the graduation rates.

Michigan, the lightning-rod for all the affirmative action controversy, has the highest graduation rate of any public university in the state. Not bad for a school that keeps letting all those "unqualified" students in. My guess (based on my personal experience) is that if you were to look at only the students who were specifically admitted to U of M based on affirmative action guidelines, you'd find that their grades and graduation rates were even better than the student body at large. Those folk tend to be the people who really want to be in college. They recognize the opportunity they've been presented with and don't want to waste it.

I guess my point is this, the day that everybody actually has an even playing field- when every student has access to the same quality of education - when Michigan voters decide that it might actually be important to give enough money to education to FIX it!!!- then affirmative action in college admissions won't be necessary. But until then, it's necessary. Period.

Holy Crap...

We won.

And by "we", I mean rational, conscientious Americans as a whole. The American people have spoken and they say, (to quote Lou Dobbs - and I can guarantee this is definitely the first time we've quoted Lou Dobbs on my blog...) "[Washington,] Shut up and Listen!"

Democrats now have control of the House. They have control of the Senate. And Rumsfeld is FINALLY gone.

It's about damn time!

They FINALLY have the right people in enough positions of power that they can offset some of the moronic policies put in place by President Can't-tell-my-ass-from-a-hole-in-the-ground.

Now we pray that they don't screw it up.

Good grief...

Well, it's not as bad as the last election...

American voters turn out in pretty good numbers (for a non-presidential-election year) to turn control of the House of Representatives over to the Democrats. As I type this, there are still 2 elections that are undecided, with Senate races in Virginia and Montana (Montana??? Seriously? The political fate of the country hinges on Montana?) being too close to call. At this point, though, it looks look for the Democrats in both of those races. If they do, in fact, win both races, they'll have control of BOTH houses and effectively block any other hair-brained schemes our Moron-in-Chief comes up with for the next 2 years.

Everybody cross your fingers.

On a more local note, Michigan voters somehow managed to elect the right candidate for most of the important positions, at least least those that directly effect Northern Michigan. Governor Granholm was re-elected. (Thank God...) Stabenow and Levin were re-elected to the Senate. Bart Stupak was re-elected to the State Senate. And Gary McDowell was re-elected to the state house by a landslide. Evidently most folks agreed with my "Jay Duggan is an ass" stance.

However, even though we elected most of the right people, we COMPLETELY screwed the pooch when it came to the various ballot proposals. In a state with a Democratic Governor and 2 Democratic Senators, we managed to effectively eliminate affirmative action and to declare that education is important to Michiganders, but not THAT important. So on a National scale, I'm pretty pleased this morning. On a local scale... Not so much.


Anyway, I'm sure I'll be checking back in throughout the day as new stuff happens. Good work people. At least the who friggin' country won't be controlled by right-wing-wackos now. Maybe we can start bringing some of our soldiers home now, before they get killed for no damn reason...

Everbody cross your fingers..

Well, polling places have just closed in the east (including most of Michigan) so we just have to hope, now. To paraphrase my buddy Adam, in a few hours I'll know if I should put everything I have into leaving the country.

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On an unrelated note, remember, when next you look at your wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other, tell 'em how much you love 'em. We all need to hear it from time to time.

I love you, S.A.

Reasons why Jay Duggan is an ass.

We have a local election coming up. Among the races to be decided is the race for the 107th District of the Michigan State House of Representatives. The incumbent, Gary McDowell is a Democrat who ran last election on a pro- gun rights platform (obviously among many other things). This sticks out for me as I'm not a big fan of the pro-gun lobby. His opponent is Jay Duggan, a local Petoskey businessman.
There was never a chance that I was going to vote for Mr. Duggan, but I thought I read the absolute perfect reason to vote against him recently. My Duggan stated in a number of ads that he was endorsed by a national right-to-life organization. Obviously this classifies him as someone for whom I would not vote. But then it a tremendously humorous twist, the organization commanded him to stop saying he was endorsed by them, because they didn't want him either.
So he's pro-life (strike 1) but evidently so undesirable that even right-to-life groups don't want to claim him (strike 2) and on top of everything else he's a liar (strike 3 - shouldn't he be out by now? Maybe it's a foul ball. I guess being a liar may be a pre-req to being a politician.) and, since he put his lies out in the media where it was going to be EASY to get caught, he's obviously stupid. (That's it. You're outta here!)

Even you Republicans shouldn't be voting for this guy.

Sheesh...

Arguing with "The Voice of Reason"

This afternoon's entry's title refers not to the fact that SA would tell me I've been doing just that ever since we got married, but instead, to the fact that yesterday's "Chickens*** Commenter" has decided it's time to lose to derogatory title. So he/she checked back in with more abortion-centered argument.

I'm not gonna go into detail rebutting him/her again, because, in all honesty, I really don't want my blog to turn into Spike's Online Crossfire.

Also, I can't figure if "Voice" is from Holland, MI, (which would explain A LOT. Holland is the Dutch Reformed Church capital of the US. When my dad (an Earth Science major) worked at a grocery store in Holland in the Early 70's, the butcher spent a great deal of time telling him that evolution was a bunch of bull. When my dad calmly asked him how he explained the preponderance of dinosaur bones found in the earth, the butcher exclaimed "God made the earth with big bones in it!" Logic like this can make it very difficult to argue with creationists. It also makes you wonder who let them all out of the loony bin.) or else from Cincinnati, OH. Truly, I don't really know a ton about Cincinnati, other than there must be something in their water supply, because their football players get arrested at a REALLY rapid rate.

Anyway, I'll give a little bit of credit to "Voice", if only for checking back in. Also, sir/ma'am, there's not too much danger of offending me by disagreeing with me about abortion. It's an issue that I wrestled with for a long time, so I can understand why some folks (my folks included, when last I checked, though it seemed like my mom might be wobbling a little) disagree with me. As long as y'all don't tell me what I should think, I'll mostly leave you alone.

And on that note- I declare a truce. At least until the next time the Conservative Christian right-wing wackos try to pass yet another law that's WAYYYYY to wide-ranging about abortion. (Yeah... I know. I couldn't let this post end without at least one more dig at the right-wingers. I'm a shitty person. Deal with it.)

p.s. Evidently some of my other readers weren't so easy-going about Voice's stance. I really appreciate the cardboard tube metaphor. I also love that they made the phrase "Food for thought," mean "Stop talking, you bloviating moron."

Political Podcasts

In case any of you were unaware, iTunes offers a number of free political podcasts. You can download weekly addresses from a number of politicians (Barack Obama continues to be well-spoken, in case you'd wondered.) as well as a number of poiltically-themed news shows.

Great stuff to have playing at your desk at work.

Stealing Andrew Andrew's Meme

1. What was the first CD/Record/Album/Artist you ever bought and what format was it in?
Guns ‘n’ Roses - Appetite for Destruction. That was the first CD. I couldn’t tell you the first tape. I had TONS of cassettes as a kid, but I don’t remember which, if any, of them I actually paid for.

2. How do you usually listen to music?
My iPod. 40 gigs of eclectic musical bliss.

3. What is your favorite genre of music and why?
Classic rock, but only because it’s different to find a genre that encompasses KISS, Elton John, Ringo, George Harrison, and Warren Zevon. (Maybe "Old Fogie Music"?)

4. What is your opinion on music video shows and music televion?
I truly cannot remember the last time I watched a music video. Ditto for awards shows.

5. Do you usually agree with who the winners of the Grammy Awards are?
The Grammy Award winners generally make me think that REAL musicians (see above) should have to approve every new artist who wants to record an album because everyone (okay, maybe not everyone, but let’s say 98% of the folks) recording today who’s under the age of 40 is a steaming pile of crap. (On a positive note- Weird Al just scored his first ever top-10 single. I guess maybe there’s a little bit of hope for the music industry.

One other note...

Every time SA and I see one of those "Choose Life" bumper stickers, we comment to each other "Do you think those geniouses realize that they have a PRO-CHOICE bumper sticker on their car?"

Valid comments from chickens*** commenters

I received a comment on yesterday's entry, "SA kicks ass."

The comment was left by "Anonymous" which completely pisses me off. If you are going to express an opinion, PUT A NAME WITH IT. Grow some cojones. I'm not saying you have to use your proper name (notice that mine does not show up anywhere on this blog) but put some identifier with your ideas so people can respond to them.

That said, here's the comment.

Anonymous said...

Doesn’t that onesie idea make you think about the alternative? It’s a pretty ugly thought. Anyway, why do you feel the need to polarize everyone you consider a “republican” into mindless Bush-drones. That’s almost as ignorant as pretending like it’s cool to have to have the right to pick and choose which babies are wanted enough to deserve a birthday.

I feel VERY strongly about abortion. If you want a more complete explanation of those feelings, read my entry from the Roe v. Wade Anniversary. Or better yet, read SA's, also from Jan 22nd. She got quite a bit of national blog press for hers. But here's my quickie response to the comment.

There are 3 separate issues addressed here. So allow me to respond to them in order.

1. I think about the alternative all the time. My son is a miracle. We did not think we'd be able to have him, so I'm incredibly thankful for every moment I'm with him. Personally, I'm totally against abortion. I just don't feel that my personal feelings should dictate the law.

2. My habit of "polariz[ing] everyone [I] consider a “republican” into mindless Bush-drones" is certainly over-simplifying things. I currently vote mostly (though not completely) along Democratic Party lines even though I disagree with a few issues here and there, because I strongly agree with the major issues. I don't accuse most people who read my blog (especially those who take the time to comment) of being "mindless". On the contrary, people who agree with the current Republic stance on abortion are "myopic and self-centered" and people who agree with their stance on Gay rights and diversity issues are "bigots".

3. Anyone who suggests that anything related to abortion is "cool" is an ass. However, living in a country where we get to make decisions about ourselves for ourselves, IS "cool". Christ... Lately it's about the only good thing I can say about living here. (BTW- That, too, was hyperbole, lest it be otherwise lost on you.) And again, if you really want a detailed explanation of why I'm Pro-Choice, read my Roe v. Wade entry.

Alright, back down off my soapbox. At least for a little while.

Oh yes... Thanks for commenting. Please come again. (Seriously.)

Just takin' a survey...

2 things-

1. Remember that next Tuesday is voting day. For those of you who are too lazy to wait in a big 'ol line in order to vote, go get an absentee ballot, pronto. I went over at lunch (telling the nice ladies there that I'd be out of town on Tuesday) and they not only gave me my absentee ballot, but they let me fill it out right then so I have already voted in next Tuesday's elections. So now you have even fewer excuses to not vote. Go do it. NOW.

2. One of my favorite parts of writing this blog is tracking who's reading it. My tracker lets me see a quite a bit of information about my readers, but it does not give me names. I'm able to figure out who most folks are by their location. I've thought about putting in a guest book, but it seems kind of cheesy and I only start to pay attention when somebody's been in a few times. I have one question.

Who is reading my blog in Carson City, Nevada? I know that you connect to the web via the Official State of Nevada Web Site. I just looked at the site and there's a picture of Governor Kenny C. Guinn and this man is obviously a Republican, so now I'm concerned. Am I on some sort of watch list just becuase I'm pretty sure our moron-in-chief has a difficult time remembering how to tie his shoes? I have to know! So leave a comment. Please. I HATE not knowing stuff...

SA kicks ass.

My wife has decided she wants to make a one-sy (one-sie? How the hell are you supposed to spell that? You know, the one-piece oufit that babies wear...) for Sam that says "My mom is Pro-Choice. She chose me."
It's times that this that really make me love her.

Also, voting day is coming up. Remember, Republicans don't care about you. (Unless you're a multi-millionaire. Then they're more than happy to kiss your ass. And seriously, if you're a multi-millionaire, what're you doing reading my blog?)

Deep thoughts

Andrew Andrew says in his "about me" section on his blog that he's "trying to find my path through life." It occurs to me that I don't really want a path through life as much a a path in it. Preferably one that doubles back on itself.
I don't like to think that I'm moving through life. The idea that I'm (in all probability) more than a quarter of the way through it is depressing. I'm in no hurry to be done. I still don't know what the f*** I'm doing.

Halloween with a sick crustacean.

Well, last night was Halloween. Truly it kind of snuck up on me. S.A. bought Sam's costume in July, I think, and since then, it really didn't come up in conversation. Yesterday morning, we realized what day it was and immediately set about figuring out what to do for the evening.

Sam, as you may assume, really couldn't have cared less. The whole "Boatloads of Candy" thing doesn't really interest him since he doesn't have any teeth. Also, he's been feeling like crap, so we weren't willing to have him out-and-about in the cold for the evening. However, S.A. was bound and determined to show off his costume so we finally decided to meet up with my folks and take him to a few select houses and business in order to show him off.

He had a Dr's appointment in the afternoon in order to get his 6-month vaccinations, but when we took him in, Dr. M wouldn't let him have them because he has... Drumroll please... yet another ear infection. One good/bad thing about Sam is that he doesn't show you that he's sick during the day. He laughed and play with the pediatrician all through the appointment even though the his poor right eardrum actually elicited some "blue' language from the doctor.

Anyway, we took him out trick-or-treating to those few houses and a good time was had by all. (Even though we had to take him out of his costume every time we got in the car because, as it turns out, car seats don't work when you have a big red tail.) He was a charmer the entire evening; smiling, laughing, and clapping on command.

He waited until we got home to get grouchy and keep us awake all night.

I'll put some pics up this evening. Check back in later.

4 Things Blog Meme

Four jobs I’ve had:

1. Store manager - Blockbuster Video
2. Statistics Teaching Assistant - Barry University
3. Assistant to the Director of the Speakers Bureau - Florida Marlins
4. TAPESTRY Assistant - C.O.P.E.S.D.

Four movies I can watch over and over:

1. Star Wars
2. The Muppet Movie
3. Mr. Baseball
4. Air America

Four places I’ve lived:

1. Burt Lake
2. Miami Shores
3. Lansing
4. Mt. Pleasant

Four TV shows I love to watch:

1. The Daily Show w/ John Stewart
2. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
3. Grey's Anatomy
4. The Soup

Four places I’ve been on vacation:

1. The Badlands
2. Baseball and Boardwalk
3. Duck
4. Los Alamos

Four of my favorite dishes:

1. Chili
2. Aunt Marie's Zuchini Casserole
3. My Dad's Mac 'n' Cheese
4. S.A.'s Pot Roast

Four sites I visit daily:

1. Free Press Sports
2. Deadspin
3. The Blog at the End of the Universe
4. Ken Levine

Four places I’d rather be right now:

1. Home
2. Keith Ronk's Garage
3. The Cottage
4. Miami

Four bloggers I’m tagging:

1. Andrew Andrew
2. S.A.
3. Amy
4. Sorry, I'm only tagging 3.

Blogger Beta

Blogger Beta finally let me move my blog over this morning. This allows me to apply "tags" to my entries that tell y'all what specific stuff is about. (For instance, it's fun for me to look back through all the stuff I write about S.A.) All I have to do is to go back to every entry I've ever posted and decided how I was to tag it.

As you might guess, I'm not getting ANY work done this morning.

Election Day is Coming Up

I borrowed this from Ken Levine, who took it from Larry Gelbart. I don't think either of them would mind.

For Election Day – Lest We Forget


Iraq
Iraq
Iraq
Abu Ghraib
Guantanamo
Evil Doers
Evil Do Gooders
Terrormercials
Outsourcing Jobs
OutsourcingTorture
Quitting International Criminal Court
The Kyoto Protocol
The Geneva Conventions
Leaving Habeas Corpus for Dead
Civil War Abroad
Uncivil War at Home
Sound Bites
Unsound Policies
Unremorseful
Unregretful
Unrepentant
The Middle East Mess
The Middle Class Collapse
Predictably Unprepared
Perpetually Unequipped
Unmatched Ignorance
Unbridled Arrogance
Unwarranted Phone Taps
Unprecedented Powers
Compassionate Imperialism
Faith-Based Fascism
Total Dicktatorship
700 Club
700 Mile Border Fence
Over 700 Presidential Signing Statements
Unmatched Incompetence
Unparalleled Corruption
Ethic Cleansing
Governor Bob Taft
Governor John Rowland
Governor Bill Janklow
Oversight
Overlook
Stuff Happens
Stuffed Shirts
Tailored Suits
Tailored Stories
24/7 Spin Cycle
Executive Privilege
Privileged Executives
Wordsmiths
Warsmiths
Surrogate Samurais
Draft Dodging Doges
Potomac Pattons
A Coven of the Craven
Representative Tom Delay
Representative Roy Blunt
Representative Ken Calvert
Representative John Doolittle
Representative Jean Schmidt
Representative Jim Gibbons
Representative Tom Feeney
Representative Patrick McHenry
Representative Christopher Shays
Representative Katherine Harris
Representative Barbara Cubin
Representative Joe Barton
Representative Jerry Lewis
Representative Gary Miller
Representative Marilyn Musgrave
Representative Richard Pombo
Representative Rick Renzi
Representative John Sweeney
Representative Charles Taylor
Representative Curt Weldon
Representative J.D. Hayworth
Representative Don Sherwood
Representative John Patterson
Representative Rodney Alexander
Representative Roy LaHood
Representative Bob Beauprez
Representative Bob Ney
Representative Randy Cunningham
Representative Chris Cannon
Jeff Gannon
Representative Mark Foley
Representative Dennis Hastert
Representative Jim Kolbe
Representative John Shimkus
Representative Tom Reynolds
Over Paid
Over Reaching
Over Logging
Under Armored
Under Suspicion
Beneath Contempt
Senator Bill Frist
Senator George Allen
Senator Conrad Burns
Senator Joe Lieberman
Senator Rick Santorum
Senator Trent Lott
Senator James Inhofe
Senator Pat Roberts
Senator Sam Brownback
Rubber Stamps
Robber Barons
Senator Larry Craig
Craig Schelske
Ken Blackwell
Lester Crawford
Crawford, Texas
Brian Bilbray
Margaret Spellings
Media Consolidation
Homophobia on the Range
Fearmongering
Smearslinging
The RNC
The DNC (Do Nothing Congress)
DC (Dutifully Corporate)
Family Valuables
The Far Wrong
The Far Righteous
Reverend Jerry Falwell
Reverend Pat Robertson
Reverend James Dobson
Reverend Lou Sheldon
Ralph Reed
Gary Bauer
David Safavian
Vice Presidential Energy Task Force
Seventy Dollars a Barrel
Three Bucks a Gallon
Record Oil Company Profits
Anwar Pipeline
Anbar Province
Arthur Anderson
ABB
Adelphia Communications
Merck
Eli Lilly
Mirant
AOL Time Warner
Kmart
Bristol-Myers Squibb
CMS Energy
Duke Energy
Nicor Energy
Reliant Energy
Dynegy
Peregrine Systems
Homestore.com
Xerox
Qwest
Tyco
WorldCom
Global Crossing
Global Warming
Global Boiling
Lee Raymond
Exxon
Enron
Abramoff
Tribe Bribes
Mike Scanlon
Grover Norquist
War Profiteers
War Privateers
Halliburton
Bechtel
Blackwater
CACI
Titan
Carlyle Group
Custer Battles
Kellogg, Brown & Root
George Tenet
Unanswered Questions
Questionable Answers
Adam Kidan
Timothy Flanigan
Lawrence Lindsay
Jessica Lynch
Jim Ellis
John Colyandro
Donald Keyser
Peter Roskam
Katherine Gun
Garrett Lott
Armstrong Williams
Talking Points
Pointless Talking
Chuck McGee
James Tobin
Thomas Scully
Kenneth Tomlinson
Allen Raymond
Claude Allen
Katrina
Rita
Harriet (Miers)
FEMA
FISA
NSA
Cut and Run
Run on Cuts
Bring It On
Dead Or Alive
Terri Schiavo
Bill Frist, MD
John Bolton
Diebold
Florida, 2000
Ohio, 2004
North Korea 2006
Selective Diplomacy
Preemptive War
Iraq.
Iran?
Sleeper Cells
Stem Cell Research
Darfur
Dubai Ports World
Swift Boat Hit Men
Max Cleland
Douglas Feith
Mumming the Press
Dumbing the Proles
Roger Ailes
Sean Hannity
Bill O’Reilly
Fred Barnes
Morton Kondracke
Brit Hume
John Gibson
Ann Coulter
Laura Ingraham
Michelle Malkin
Glenn Beck
Neil Cavuto
Neal Boortz
Neil Bush (No Brother Left Behind)
Rush Limbaugh
David Frum
David Horowitz
Golden Parachutes
Shrunken Pensions
Sunken Bipartisanship
Bernie Kerik
Eminent Domain
J. Steven Griles
Numerous Convictions
Occasional Confessions
Social Security Privatization
Abrupt Resignations
Porter Goss
Dusty Foggo
Zero Accountability
Even Less Credibility
Michael Chertoff
Homeland Insecurity
Ahmad Chalabi
Baghdad Museum
Tora Bora
Taliban Resurgence
Iraqi Insurgents
General William Boykin
General Eric Shinseki
General Janet Karpinski
General Ricardo Sanchez
General Anthony Zinni
Mission Accomplished
Lawbreaking Lawmakers
Impeachable Sources
Suppressed Medicare Costs
The Donut Hole
Intelligent Design
Intelligence Failures
Ari Fleischer
Scott McClellan
Tony Snow
Tony Perkins
Tony Rudy
Tony Blankley
Tony Blair
Downing Street Memo
The Late Great Britain
Ken Mehlman
Dennis Prager
Wayne Simmons
Frank Gaffney
Expiration of Assault Weapons Ban
John Ashcroft
Alberto Gonzales
Alberto Fernandez
Danny Diaz
William Bennett
Stephen Hadley
Karen Hughes
Bunnatine Greenhouse
Richard Grasso
Brian Doyle
Thomas Noe
Ted Van Der Meid
Tan Nguyen
Michael Gerson
Michael Medved
Michael Reagan
Michael Maloof
Michael Savage
Aluminum Tubes
Rice
Yellowcake
Niger
Valerie Plame
Joseph Wilson
Scooter Libby
Robert Novak
Richard Armitage
Brent Bozell III
Paul Bremer III
Gulf II
Non-Regime-Changing Regime Changers
Neoconmen
Ex-Non-Vet Vulcans
Playing to an Enraptured Audience
Armageddon Uber Alles
Paul Wolfowitz
Richard Perle
David Wormser
Elliott Abrams
James Woolsey
Zalmay Khalizad
William Kristol
The Coalition of the Dwindling
Staining the Course
WMD (W’s Mass Denials)
Mad Cowboy Disease
Mad Cowhands Disease
Kissinger Redux
Duck Cheney
Rumbo
Blossom (the Turd)
George (the Fourth):Son of a Higher Father; Uniter, Decider, Flatulater; Reader of at least three Shakespeares, Camus’ “The Stranger” and “The Pet Goat;”
Prematurely discharged National Air Guardsman, missing in inaction, who describes members of the political party that successfully prosecuted two world wars as quitters.
Billions Missing in Iraq
Trillions Missing in D.C.
Missing Limbs
Missed Lives
Iraq
Iraq
Iraq

Health-Conscious Strip Joints

We're going downstate this weekend for a bachelor and a bachelorette party. The latter is really a misnomer. I'm not sure what the specific qualifications are for a bachelorette party, but I'm pretty sure that having the bride-to-be's Grandpa and Grandma in attendance pretty much disqualifies it.

I'll be attending the bachelor party. Actually, it sounds like we're playing disc golf, having a cook-out, and either watching a baseball game on TV (assuming the Tigers don't lose the next 2 games) or a hockey game in person. To my way of thinking, this means that someone planned a bachelor party without actually talking to the groom-to-be, because I have to assume that no red-blooded American male is gonna okay a bachelor party for himself that does not, in any way, involve strippers. This is, after all, quite possibly the last opportunity for him to view, let's say, assets which do not belong to his bride-to-be.

Being the good friend that I always try to be, I decided to do a little research in order to to formulate a backup plan. (You know, in case he yells "This is a bachelor party! I want assets!")

As Grand Rapids is a pretty conservative place, I was concerned that there might be a scarcity or decent adult-oriented establishments. Silly me.

It turns out that there are a couple site that review strip clubs. Also, they do not involve NSFW pictures, which I found interesting. Obviously these are sites for folks with a purely academic interest in strip clubs. (Unfortunately, the names of the sites are NSFW, so I was glad I was doing the research on my wife's laptop sitting in the periodical room at the library. You don't really want sites like "strippers-r-us.com" popping up in your history at work.) Anyway, it turns out that G.R. does, in fact, have a very highly thought of establishment called the Red Barn Adult Theater.

Among its other selling points was one that stood out for me. Since it's illegal in Michigan for an establishment that features full nudity to have a liquor license, the Red Barn features a juice bar!

I think this is great. It's much easier to convince your significant other to allow you (And to all of you guys who are saying to yourselves "I don't need anybody's permission to go anywhere!", you are obviously not married, so shut up.) to visit a strip joint if you tell her that you promise to be very health-conscious while you're there.

Which leads me to a related story.

Years ago, when my buddy Kev was in college, he and a few pals enjoyed a guys-night-out which included visits to multiple bars and a strip joint or two. The next day, while all the guys were feeling a bit under-the-weather, one of the guys looked particularly bad. One of his eyes was swollen half-shut. Since none of the guys really had perfect recollection of the entire evening, they couldn't figure what he'd done do give himself the beginnings of a shiner, but they weren't particularly concerned. However, as the eye got worse over the following couple days, they all convinced him that he should see a doctor.

The diagnosis was a bit, well, icky. It turns out that the gentleman had a pubic louse in his eye. Evidently a product of enjoying too many lap-dances from gals who didn't enjoy showers.

Luckily, I feel confident that kind of thing doesn't happen at clubs with juice bars.

Laterz.

May the force (play) be with you.

What do you get when you combine baseball and Star Wars? (Besides the bad pun in this post title...)

Whitecaps baseball on Friday night!

We took Sam to the Whitecaps game on Saturday. (We being S.A. and me, along with Sam's Grammy, Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Jeff, Aunt Rachel, Cousin Dave, Cousin Holly, and Cousin Joe.)

The game itself was uneventful, but it was Star Wars night at the ball park. Hence the following picture-

Notice how serious he looks. I suppose holding an entire
galaxy under the tyrannical thumb of the Emporer is serious work.

Job security

I just got word that, after months of bitching, the powers-that-be have just ordered me $8000 worth of computers and digital projectors.

Considering the fact that no-one else in the office has a clue how to hook one of the new machines up, much less teach someone else how to use one, I guess this means I won't be getting fired this week.

Music so great it advances evolutionary theory

My son (who's 4 months old today) has a new favorite song.

The New York Dolls have released a new album and the first single is called "Dance Like A Monkey" and it's actually about the evolution/intelligent design/creationism debate.
Also it has a good beat and the way my wife dances to it when playing with my son is the funniest damn thing you've ever seen. (She would not let me videotape it. Sorry.)

You can check the video out here.

Laterz

Sports traditions

I remember a time as a kid, when I was playing little league, that I found myself involved in a little bit of a hot streak. 20 years later, I remember the streak itself much less clearly than I remember hiding my socks from my mom after every game because, as any sports fan knows, you don't wash your socks during a hot streak!

This came tom mind today because there's a neat article in the Detroit Free Press about sports traditions. It talk about where they came from and what they mean. For those of you who aren't sports fans, they probably won't mean anything to you (other than possibly giving you a little bit of insight into the slightly warped mind of the sports nut).

And for anybody who takes the time to click over to the article but thinks they're all silly, you should understand how deeply these concepts take hold and the fond memories they engender for some of us. My wife will attest that I still cry every time I hear a clip of Harry Carey singing "Take me out to the Ballgame".

Here are a couple that I would have to add to the list. They won't mean anything to most of you, but for a few, should at least make you laugh.

1. If you have a Jacksonville Jaguars hat, it always goes under you left foot during a tight volleyball game.
2. Nobody wants to be a monkey as much as Marcy P. And the "Theme of the Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen" is always good luck.
3. Always put a handful of sunflower seeds in your mouth at once. Make sure to spit the shells through the fence. Extra points for hitting the umpire.
4. "I don't want you to be sorry. Just do better."

That's about all I can think of right this moment. Feel free to add if y'all have any other bright ideas.

Laterz.

And the President can't figure out why the economy is a piece of shit...

I (I, in this case, meaning my office.) got hired to do a small job recently. A small company, which is currently trying to rapidly expand, hired me to create a 20-odd page powerpoint presentation that they can use when presenting their products to potential customers.

It's not a bad job; it's just somewhat time consuming.

I have to say, though, that it's a little odd to be paid about $1000 for a job that could proabably be performed by the average 6th grader.

No wonder 90% of small buinesses fail within 2 years.

Of exhaust pipes and role models...

This weekend, I installed a new exhaust pipe on my car. To those of you who are "car guys" (or "car gals"), this probably doesn't seem like a big deal. However, being as I'm the kind of person who calls AAA when I have a flat tire, successfully replacing a major piece of hardware on my car was a major personal victory.

I had a bit (okay a lot) of help installing the pipe from a family friend who, in a former life, was the head mechanic at a local dealership. He now has a very well equipped auto shop, for his personal use, at his house. Since our families have been friends forever, (He's my best friend's dad.) I felt comfortable calling him on a Sunday afternoon and requesting the use of his shop.

As it turns out, I also made good use of his expertise. I think he was afraid I'd hurt myself (or, more likely, his shop) if he didn't help. At any rate, we successfully changed the pipe and my car no longer sounds like a Harley with a badly tuned carburetor.


His assistance gave me pause to think, however. I'm nearing 30 years old. I have a 3-month-old son. I've been married for almost 6 years. By any legal or even logical definition, I'm an adult. The thing is, regardless of how many "adult" activities I participate in, I still don't feel like a Grown-Up.

I think this is due, at least in part, to the fact that there are a number of "Grown-Ups" that I admire and look up to. And it feels like, if I'm looking up to a number of people, then I must, logically, be down. And I guess that's okay.

In a culture where sarcasm and detachment are the qualities that men are supposed to strive for in order to be cool, (especially when any apparent affinity for any other male will be derided by the homophobic masses as "gay",) I've been extremely lucky to have a number of invaluable male role models in my life.

(In case you haven't noticed, I'm using my blog as my online diary today. If you don't have any interest in the kind of stuff I'd write in a journal, please feel free to stop reading and check in tomorrow. I'm sure I'll be back to the useless, but slightly comedic dribble that I normally write.)

So these are my Thank-You's to a few guys who I look up to. (Sorry about ending that sentence with a preposition, but "... guys up to whom I look." seemed a bit ridiculous.)

Keith- Thanks for showing me that not running the rat race doesn't have to mean running against it. Sometimes it just means ignoring it and doing your own thing. Quiet competence is a very cool thing when more people you know spend way too much time blowing their own horn.

Rick- Thanks for demonstrating to me that anyone who says things like "Once a screw-up, always a screw-up," is an idiot. You were one of the first people I met who made it clear that I didn't need to know everything yet. I could pick it up as I went along.

Fletch- Thanks for being honest. At a time in my life when I was incredibly disillusioned with the whole world's fixation on artifice, you showed me that honesty, while not necessarily being the most trouble-free option, was indeed the best policy.

Jeff- Thanks for being the youngest Grown-Up I know. There are times, when I'm very frustrated with myself for not getting to where I want to be, that you give me a little bit of hope. (And though I realize it weirds you out a little that I look up to you when we are, at least chronologically speaking, roughly equal. You seem to deal with it well.)

Pop- Thanks for showing me who I can, with a lot of work, be. I know you're not perfect. Far from it, actually. But the older I get, the more it seems like I'm becoming like you. And that's definitely a good thing.

Grandpa- Thanks for showing me who I should try to be. You're the only person I've ever know whose priorities were ALWAYS in the right place. I'll never be able to live up to the example you set, but I'll always try.

Laterz

Anagrams

Andrew Andrew wrote a quickie blog the other day involving anagrams. I love anagrams. (Too many years of reading Dave Barry, I guess...)

I checked out the site he referenced and had to share one of the anagrams created for me.

From this point forward, the agency for whom I toil (The Learning Center of Northern Michigan) shall be known as-
On fertile, trenchant greenhorn. I'm aching.

So true. So true.

And speaking of editors...

I received a call today at work from a gentleman who was having some difficulty getting MS Word to work the way he wanted it to. He was trying to put a header at the top of his first page that was different from the header at the top of all his other pages.

This is a little bit unusual, but not a particularly complicated problem. I could have walked him through a couple different ways to fix it but I figired it'd be faster if he just emailed it to me and let me fix it for him.

When I sent the file back to him, I laughed and offered him my name, which I had neglected to do in our initial conversation since we really had gotten right down to work. He, of course, reciprocated with his name.

I turns out that the gentleman I just showed a very simple word trick to - the kind of trick most 5th graders could do today - was turning in this paper as his final project for his MASTER'S DEGREE in education.

Worse yet- He recently retired from his previous job. He had been the editor of the local paper for the past 25 years.

The Problem With Editors

Dear "Anonymous"-

Thank you for taking the time to read and post a comment on my blog. I certainly appreciate all my readers and the opinions they express.

In response to your comment from last night at 9:30pm, I offer the following notes.

I said that the situation was "on the periphery" of my life. Nowhere did I say that I wasn't "involved." To quote the editors, "We're ALL involved!"

Additionally, you're probably right. I probably should listen to my editors more. For example, my editor wouldn't allow me to make any retorts about the importance of grammar and spelling in anything that's posted for others to read. So I won't.

Also, they've made it very clear to me that, in journalism, one should never pay attention to an anonymous source, as anyone who's unwilling to go on record and be held accountable for what they say is obviously not a credible source.

As I say. I've got smart editors.

p.s. If you're reading this and it is about you, WELCOME! As I already said, it looks like life may be about to get exciting.

Efficiency

In the interest of getting the word out as expeditiously as possible-

Junior will be baptized on August 6th. Be there or be square.

(In all seriousness, Barry Gang, ya gotta be here. The kid's got a whole pile of Aunts and Uncles that he needs to meet! Also, Michigan is beautiful in August. Remember the wedding?)

Frustration

(My editors are concerned that someone might read this next blog entry and think that I might be fuming at them. In all seriousness, the people this is about don't know I HAVE a blog. Otherwise, how could I spout off about them?)

There's some crap going on, sort of on the periphery of my life, that REALLY torques me off. Unfortunately, it's not technically any of my business so I can't say anything to anybody about it. But I'm telling the whole world right now, a few people I know deserve a giant "Shut the f*** up."

I'm a pacifist by nature, but there are definitely times when there's no better way to communicate than with an uppercut to the jaw. Since that's not socially acceptable, allow me to say to all those who are negatively affected by the a**holes in their lives- Don't let the f***ers get you down.

Also, my father-in-law owns an 8-foot cannon, should you need to borrow it.

Note of the day

S.A. gave be a bit of grief this morning because I didn't have any breakfast. I didn't feel this was exactly a crisis, as I gained 40 pounds while she was pregnant with Junior (I've lost 15 since he was born), but I figured I could probably use some sort of energy source for my day so I stopped at Big Apple Bagel for a coffee on my way to work.

It turns out that the Cinnamon Toast Latte is really good. Also, if you flirt a little with the gal at the counter, she'll give you a large CTL for the price of a regular coffee.

I may not have eaten yet today, but at least I fed my ego.

Welcome to the world, Sonny Boy!

I promise that I'll now be much better about blogging, if only because I now have more to write about.

I could write a long blog here about the unbelievable week I've had (and I probably will later) but, for now, I'm just gonna post a picture. I think it pretty much says everything.

Conversations You're Glad Took Place on Instant Messenger rather than on, say, Speaker Phone

This is a partial transcript of a conversation I had this morning on Instant Messenger.


[07:39] JoesGolfWorks: Good morning, my friend!
[07:42] zaphodbb1: good morning :)
[07:43] zaphodbb1: You're in a good mood.
[07:43] JoesGolfWorks: I'm faking it. :)
[07:43] JoesGolfWorks: I've decided to be perky this morning.
[07:43] zaphodbb1: Wheeee
[07:43] JoesGolfWorks: Because the alternative is biting people.
[07:43] zaphodbb1: Can't you do both?
[07:44] JoesGolfWorks: Yes. But now the biting will be a real surprise to my victims.
[07:44] zaphodbb1: Don't they always say that it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile and bite?
[07:44] JoesGolfWorks: Something like that.
[07:45] zaphodbb1: I haven't left home yet, so my smiles are real.
[07:45] JoesGolfWorks: Lucky bastard.
[07:45] JoesGolfWorks: What time do you normally get to work?
[07:46] zaphodbb1: Around 9
[07:46] JoesGolfWorks: Ah.
[07:46] JoesGolfWorks: No wonder you're smiling.
[07:47] zaphodbb1: Working 9 to 5, as Dolly Parton says. Or Polly Darton, if you're in a Sesame Street mood.
[07:47] JoesGolfWorks: :) Which I am.
[07:47] zaphodbb1: And that's why we're such good friends.
[07:47] JoesGolfWorks: LOL
[07:48] zaphodbb1: Did you do anything this weekend?
[07:48] JoesGolfWorks: Nope. Just worked in the shop, getting ready for spring.
[07:49] zaphodbb1: That's right, you have seasons up there in Canada.
[07:49] JoesGolfWorks: We do.
[07:50] JoesGolfWorks: To quote the popular saying, "9 months of winter and 3 months of bad sledding."
[07:50] zaphodbb1: Whoo, you wacky yoopers.
[07:50] JoesGolfWorks: :)
[07:50] JoesGolfWorks: Did you see that Dick Cheney shot someone?
[07:50] zaphodbb1: Yes ... and the guy's doing fine, which means the news can make fun of it all they want.
[07:51] zaphodbb1: Doing anything for V-day?
[07:51] JoesGolfWorks: No plans. Flowers sent to the office, etc.
[07:51] JoesGolfWorks: She can't go out tomorrow because she has a breast-feeding class.
[07:52] zaphodbb1: Ah, the classic Valentine's Day excuse.
[07:52] JoesGolfWorks: I'm nothing if not original.
[07:53] zaphodbb1: How did people manage before there were classes?
[07:53] zaphodbb1: I imagine it was chaos.
[07:53] JoesGolfWorks: I have no idea.
[07:54] JoesGolfWorks: I suspect that guys were a great deal happier before Lamaze.
[07:54] JoesGolfWorks: Talk about videos you do NOT want to watch...
[07:55] zaphodbb1: The book was better?
[07:56] JoesGolfWorks: We have LOTS of books and none of them have THOSE pictures.
[07:57] zaphodbb1: Clearly you don't own Curious George and the Lamaze Class.
[07:57] JoesGolfWorks: This is true.
[07:58] zaphodbb1: Or maybe it was Llama's Class. Something like that.
[07:59] JoesGolfWorks: I had a book as a kid, called A Foal is Born, that starred, in a very significant role, Horse Placenta.
[07:59] JoesGolfWorks: I remember thinking, "Thank God people hired the stork to take care of this crap."
[08:00] zaphodbb1: That's slightly horrifying.
[08:00] zaphodbb1: From the producers of Summer of Sam comes ... Horse Placenta
[08:01] zaphodbb1: In a world ...
[08:01] zaphodbb1: "You'll never take me alive, Horse Placenta!"
[08:01] zaphodbb1: Starring Samuel L. Jackson

I suppose it's good that I get these conversations out of the way before I see any actual people. Most folks would be permanently scarred by talks like this.

Laterz

Working from home.

Yesterday, I decided to leave work at 9:30am because I wasn't feeling well. I figured it was okay because I only had a couple of telephone trainings to conduct and I figured I could do them from home as well as I could from the office. In other words, I figured I'd spend an hour or 2 on the phone and then relax all afternoon.

Oh, the best laid plans of Mice and.... whatever.

I was training from 10am to 4pm and then did a bit more in the evening (though not much, because my trainee thought I sounded too sick, so she told me to go to bed. Sarah laughed quite hard about that.)

So much for my nice relaxing day.

Today's been better, however. I scheduled a few trainings, but the morning was a quickie and I passed off my afternoon job to another trainer, which has given me enough time to shuffle a few papers around on my desk and read the Freep online.

I also took S.A. out to lunch because I was concerned that she was going to kill everyone at her office if I didn't. And to repay me, she has referred to me in her blog today as her manservant. It's good to know where you stand, I guess.

Laterz

I'm sick.

In this case, I mean that completely literally.

I've been fighting off a cold for a few days and I seem to be losing the battle. I slept in the guest room last night in no small part because S.A. can't take any meds and I didn't want to make her sick. Unfortunately, the guest bed is not nearly as comfy as our bed so I didn't sleep particularly well.

I'm supposed to be conducting trainings via telephone all day today, so I thihnk I might go back home and do them from there. It's still work, but it doesn't suck nearly as badly when I get to do it while wrapped in an afghan sitting on my couch.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it,) my office does not have call forwarding, so I can't forward all my calls home. It'd be convenient, but I guess it'd probably piss me off to be getting calls all evening tonight before I come back into work tomorrow to turn off the forwarding. I guess I'll have to make due with checking my voicemail.

Luckily, I don't think I have anything in TiVo, so I shouldn't be tempted to watch TV instead of actually working.

Laterz

Really long-ass Blog Meme

10 Favorites

Favorite Color: I'm kind of into Pink
Favorite Food: Aunt Marie's Zuchini Casserole
Favorite Month: May. It's starting to warm up and I have lots of golf ahead of me.
Favorite Song: Funeral for a Friend - Elton John
Favorite Movie: Star Wars
Favorite Sport: Baseball
Favorite Season: Summer
Favorite Day of the week: Saturday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Breyers' Brownie Mud Pie
Favorite Time of Day: Evening

9 CURRENTS

Current Mood: Impatient for the end of the work day.
Current Taste: According to Eddie Izzard, Chicken.
Current Clothes: Khakis and a Blue Oxford shirt.
Current Desktop: Factory installed Dell background
Current Toenail Color: Um... flesh colored? One of them is a bit black 'n' blue from kicking my coffee table a few days ago.
Current Time: 2:36 pm
Current Surroundings: My office
Current Thoughts: Can I go HOME yet???

8 FIRSTS

First Best Friend: Michael Barney
First Kiss: Summer
First Screen Name: oharring
First Pet: I guess my folks technically had some fish and dogs when i was really little, but the first one I remember was a cat named Pumpkin.
First Piercing: My foot, on rusty nail.
First Crush: Nicole. And it lasted a long damn time.
First CD: Guns n' Roses - Appetite for Destruction

7 LASTS

Last Cigarette: Never
Last Drink: Screwdriver at bowling league a few weeks ago
Last Car Ride: in to work today
Last Kiss: From S.A. before work this morning. I do my damnedest to get a goodbye kiss every morning.
Last Movie Seen: I watch Grizzly Man on DVD a little bit ago.
Last Phone Call: I called Diego to give him some info about Act and Quickbooks training.
Last CD Played: I was listening to Colin Hay for a few seconds in the car this morning.

6 HAVE YOU EVERS

Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Guy/Girl Friends: Many times.
Have You Ever Broken the Law: Yes.
Have You Ever Been Arrested: No.
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Yes.
Have You Ever Been on TV: Yes. I was on the Deputy Don show about 20 years ago, and you can hear my voice announcing Barry University volleyball games on a number of telecasts from a few years ago.
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: Yes. (I suppose it depends on how you mean "know".)

5 THINGS

Thing You're Wearing: My rainbow bracelet.
Thing You've Done Today: Plowed a path to my burning barrel at lunch time.
Thing You Can Hear Right Now: My own gum popping.
Thing You Can't Live Without: West Wing and lists from my wife.
Thing You Do When You're Bored: TiVo

4 PLACES YOU'VE BEEN TODAY

1. Home
2. Work
3. Home again
4. Back to work

3 PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO

1. S.A.
2. Kev
3. Drew

2 CHOICES

1. Black or White: Black
2. Hot or Cold: Hot. No question.

1 THING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:

Get to a point where I can quit worrying about money. (Unfortunately, I cannot afford a lottery ticket.) ::sigh::

Helllloooooo!!!!!

Hello faithful readers. Sorry it's been so long since I last checked in, but life's been a bit hectic.

Those of you who also read S.A.'s blog know that we've been getting things set for the baby's arrival in a couple months and that's eaten up a good amount of time. Additionally, due to her posting on Blog for Choice Day, S.A. became a bit of a darling of the Blogosphere and I've spent so much time monitoring the activity along that front that I haven't really had any other time to blog.

Anyway, to be perfectly honest, y'all haven't miseed much. My life has been very busy, but largely uneventful of late.

I hired a new secretary at work, so I guess that's new.

Also, I bowled a 189 last night in our bowling league. This may not seem exciting to most of you, but since I average a 117, it's a pretty significant improvement.

I guess that's about it for now. I'll check back in later.

Laterz

How Roe vs. Wade enabled us to get pregnant

Today is the 33rd anniversary of the landmark Roe vs. Wade decision.

When Justice Robert Blackmun delivered the opinion of the court, he included the following statement, with which I wholly concur.

"We forthwith acknowledge our awareness of the sensitive and emotional nature of the abortion controversy, of the vigorous opposing views, even among physicians, and of the deep and seemingly absolute convictions that the subject inspires. One's philosophy, one's experiences, one's exposure to the raw edges of human existence, one's religious training, one's attitudes toward life and family and their values, and the moral standards one establishes and seeks to observe, are all likely to influence and to color one's thinking and conclusions about abortion. "

In other words, if you disagree with me, that's okay. I just think you're wrong. Thankfully, the same freedoms that allow women to make decisions about their own body also allow all of us to make decisions about what we believe without fear of repercussion. (At least that's how it's supposed to work.)

Just so y'all understand, I am very definitely "Pro-Choice". I am definitely NOT "Pro-Abortion".

S.A. and I tried to get pregnant for over 3 years. When we found out that we were finally pregnant, it was a huge surprise because we had basically given up hope of ever conceiving. We were operating under the assumption that we were going to have to adopt in order to have children. So needless so say, though we were both strong proponents of the adoption process before that point, we were definitely in favor of it now. But our personal beliefs for how we choose to live our lives are not something that we think has any legal standing.

Both S.A. and I come from big Catholic families, and I would be willing to guess that, were you to interview all the members of our immediate and extended families, you would get the same answers from about 95% of them.

Abortion is wrong. This is true (most of them would say) in much the same way that adultery, murder, and child abuse are wrong. I believe that, for this reason, many of them would tell you that they are "pro-life" and that Roe vs. Wade should be struck down. The only major problem with that line of thinking is this-

You CANNOT legislate morality.

Devout Catholics believe that it is WRONG to eat meat on a Friday. Muslims believe it's WRONG to eat pork. According to my old CCD classes (Catholic Sunday School, for all you non-Catholic out there,) the thought is the same as the deed so it is WRONG to "lust" after the hottie who sits 3 rows over from you in your biology class. And simply thinking about how nice it would be to pull out a rocket launcher and blow the SUV in front of you (who is driving 15 miles under the speed limit and has had his turn signal on for 7 miles) off the road is WRONG. It's the same as actually doing it in "God's Eyes".

But no-one would ever suggest that we make laws against all these things. Why? Because you CANNOT LEGISLATE MORALITY. This is THE basic concept upon which this country was founded.

Now I believe that you would be very hard-pressed to find someone who thought that abortion was something they hoped to go through at some point in their life. And to anyone who suggests that folks who have an abortion rather than the alternatives (keeping the baby, offering it up for abortion) , I offer up the following opinion.

You, sir/ma'am, are an idiot.

I'm not going to go into all the research that's been done about the lifelong mental and emotional effects of having an abortion (Do a google search. They're not hard to find. Also, S.A. wrote a much longer and, in all honesty, better blog about this stuff today.) but the decision to have, and the results of having, an abortion are not EASY in any way, shape, or form.

I'll probably try to post a bit more information here later today, but I'll offer up this last bit of personal information before I need to leave for church. (I know, shocking. The pro-choice heathen goes to church.)

When S.A. and I were basically given one last chance to conceive a baby, we were told that because of the nature of the medical treatment we were undergoing, the odds of having "high-level multiples" (e.g. 3 or more babies) were extremely high. Because of this, we were commanded by our doctor to come to a decision relating to our feelings about "selective reduction". In other words, because of the health risks involved in any multiple pregnancy and birth, would we be willing/able to choose to abort some of the fetuses if we found out there were 3 or 4 or 5 or more?

Obviously the specifics of our decision are a pretty personal thing so I won't give you all the details, but in short form, the answer was YES.

Because of the especially high risks to S.A. (We're considered a "high-risk" pregnancy.) carrying an especially high number of multiples (quints, sextuplets) would be EXTREMELY dangerous to both her and to the babies. Because of this, had selective reduction not been an option, (which it WILL NOT BE if our current political administration gets its way,) we would not have been able to have children of our own, because, as much as I want children, I was CATEGORICALLY unwilling to risk S.A.'s health and, more importantly, life.

Thankfully, when we finally got pregnant, it was with just one baby. He's due on April 16th. And I cannot begin to express how glad I am that I was not forced with making a choice between not even trying to conceive a baby and risking the life of the most important person in my life.

The opposite of "Pro-Life" is NOT "Pro-Choice". It's "Pro-Death". I'm immensely thankful that the laws in this country are such that people like S.A. and I actually had a choice. That, among many other reasons, is why I'm Pro-Choice.

Laterz

D'oh!

I have to hire a secretary. I really need one because I am not, well... Let's say I'm kind of a big-picture guy. I'm not so great with the details. In other words, I keep needing to use overnight shipping to get textbooks, because I forget to order them in a timely manner and all the plants in my office are dying.

I've been interviewing candidates for the past few days and I've got some decent candidates, but I just haven't found the right one. Today I decided that I going to request a little bit of extra testing from all my finalists. I wanted to have them basically write me a small press release and make me a small flier, just to let me get a little better idea of their work.

When I took my bright ideas to the owner of my company (my immediate supervisor is out of the office today and I know that the owner really likes me) to get approval for my ideas before I implemented them, he immediately signed off on them. He then asked me, "Having a tough time finding a decent candidate, huh?"

I defense of all the folks I've interviewed I responded that all of the candidates would truly be okay, I just really wanted to find the right person.

He gave me a quizzical look which conveyed to me that perhaps I was taking this interview process a bit too seriously and replied, "Let's not spend TOO much time worrying about this, okay. It's just a secretary."

Evidently, though my seriousness during this whole process has impressed the whole female staff at my agency, I have succeeded in losing all my built up "Guy Points" I'd earned by being the only other male in the building besides the owner.

Crap. I guess I should have used the "Who Looks Best in a Mini-Skirt While Being Chased Around a Desk" hiring criterion.

Laterz

Misc. News and Notes

No particularly exciting happenings on the home front this weekend.

S.A. and I decided on a color for the walls in the nursery. We also decided that the dresser that I am currently using will be moving into the nursery, once it's re-painted. That's kind of fun. It was originally my Grandpa's, so it'll be on to generation number 4. I suspect that Beav would be happy, as he was a very proud student of the "Never Throw Anything Out, EVER" school.

Last night, we went to dinner at La Senorita (Come taste the flavor of fun!) with Kev, Liam, Liam's sister April, and her friend Ruth. All good folks, and a good time was, indeed, had by all. We than went back to the house and played "Apples to Apples" and "Imagine if..."(This is, in fact, a misspelling, but I do not care.)

It's awfully nice to have a few close friends around. Though I wish I wasn't constantly worried about money, I definitely must say that my life right now is fast-approaching my first few years of college as the most satisfying time of my life.

I hope all of you, dear readers, can say the same.

Laterz.

More "Proof Readers Wanted" ads

I got an email this morning from the boss of the person who sent me the "Hostility Training" email. She had received a copy of my responding email.

Dear Mr. Harrington,
I wanted to take a moment to thank you for the email you sent yesterday regarding our Hospitality and Tourism Seminar. We have currently sent out over 200 copies of the email that you received and plan to send out at least 400 more. Your response was the only one we received pointing out that we were actually offering "Hostility Training".
We truly appreciated you input and we also appreciated the fact that you used humor to get your point across.
Thank you again. We look forward to continuing to do business with you in the future.

A**** T*******

Cripe. I believe this means that most people in the country are really dumb. (Otherwise, SOMEBODY would have mentioned this besides me.) Also, it certainly establishes that the meanings we take from things are inferred; they are not necessarily implied. I certainly thought my email was funny. I'm a little surprised that they did.

*****************************************************************

1 small note for all those people in the world who look for things to make them feel good about humanity.

In 1929, 25 years after J.M. Barrie published Peter Pan, he gave the copyright of his children'’s classic to Great Ormond Street Hospital for Children. This means that every time it's made into a movie or used as the basis for another book (Hook by Terry Brooks, Capt. Hook : The Adventures of a Notorious Youth by J. V. Hart and Brett Helquist, and Peter and the Starcatchers by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson, among many others), the Children's Hospital receives the author's royalties.

I just thought that this was really cool and worth mentioning. Also, I can personally vouch for the 3 aforementioned books, so perhaps you should all go buy them and both get to read a few good books, but also get to feel that you're giving to a worthy cause.

Just a thought.

Laterz

Reasons why proof-readers are important

The following is an email I received from a major corporate training agency today. I do a good amount of business with this company, becuase they have developed a very good training curriculum. That being said, today was definitely not one of their shining moments.

Hello There,

I am sorry I missed you. I wanted to tell you about our hostility and tourism program. The program is being launch on January 15. Also we have our train to trainer seminar on February 27, 2006. This seminar will be located in sunny Florida.

I did let you know that at least once a month I would contact you, so that the communication lines will always be open. If you have any questions feel free to contact me at my office. I have been assigned to your region to help you with any and everything, from marketing to ordering exams. So please exhaust your resources.

Thank you and I look forward to speaking with you.

Your Partner,

J****** M******

I responded with the following email.

Johnnel-
Thank you for your email. I appreciate your contacting me and keeping me informed. Email is often the best way to accomplish this as I am generally away from my phone.
One note- While I can see that Hospitality and Tourism training could be very useful, I suspect that "Hostility" and Tourism training will find a much smaller market. I know that I, for one, am already very good at directing hostility towards tourists. Check the email you sent me. I hope it wasn't a form letter you sent out to many people.

Thank you again for keeping me informed.

Owen Harrington

Notice that I was nice enough not to mention that the program was "being launch" on January 15. Nor did I mention that a "train to trainer" seminar sounds potentially painful. (A TRAINER to trainer seminar might be better.) And I even kept it to myself that, in the phrase "any and everything", the any should be hyphenated.

This is why I'm having a difficult time hiring a secretary. If I hire someone who writes like this, I'm just gonna have to fire them.

Laterz.

Applebuns. Crusty Applebuns.

The following in an excerpt from the children's book, "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey. In the book the evil professor forces everyone to assume new names.

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

a = poopsie
b = lumpy
c = buttercup
d = gidget
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = fluffy
h = cheeseball
i = chim-chim
j = stinky
k = flunky
l = boobie
m = pinky
n = zippy
o = goober
p = doofus
q = slimy
r = loopy
s = snotty
t = tootie
u = dorkey
v = squeezit
w = oprah
x = skipper
y = dinky
z = zsa-zsa

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = apple
b = toilet
c = giggle
d = burger
e = girdle
f = barf
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = cootie
j = monkey
k = potty
l = liver
m = banana
n = rhino
o = bubble
p = hamster
q = toad
r = gizzard
s = pizza
t = gerbil
u = chicken
v = pickle
w = chuckle
x = tofu
y = gorilla
z = stinker

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

a = head
b = mouth
c = face
d = nose
e = tush
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = butt
l = brain
m = tushie
n = chunks
o = hiney
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = buns
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = kisser
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = brains
z = juice

Post your new name in the comments!