2005 in Review

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? I made a baby.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I’ve never made a New Year’s Resolution. I’m gonna this year, though.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Two of my wife’s cousins had their first babies. We’re up next.
4. Did anyone close to you die? No.
5. What countries did you visit? None.
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? I’m gonna have a baby boy.
7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Friday, August 5th. That’s the day we found out we were pregnant.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I got hired and promoted twice in a 6-month span.
9. What was your biggest failure? I live the same failure every day. I will never be able to live up to the example set forth for me by my grandpa.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Healthy as a horse.
11. What was the best thing you bought? Fertility shots.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My mother-in-law. At some point this year, she finally crossed over into the light and declared (at least to my wife and I) that’s she’s no longer a Republican and she agrees that President Bush IS evil.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Dubya’s
14. Where did most of your money go? I’m not sure. It sure did disappear fast, though.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Sam
16. What song will always remind you of 2005? Beautiful Boy
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? WAY Happier b) thinner or fatter? Fatter c) richer or poorer? About the same, but looking up.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? I wish I'd spent more time with the gang.
    
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Procrastinating
20. How did you spend Christmas? Christmas Eve was with my family – S.A., Mom, Pop, Frog, Aunt Marie, Uncle Joe & Aunt Beck, Jake, & Sara. Christmas Day was with S.A.’s clan. Sylv & Danno, Rach & Jeff, Matt & Joe, Amy, Joe & the girls, the Scotts, more Hamps, assorted grandparents, etc.
21. Did you fall in love in 2005? Every day, over and over again
22. How many one-night stands? None
23. What was your favorite TV program? House or West Wing
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No.
25. What was the best book you read? S.A. formatted and put every installation of NPR’s This I Believe series in a binder of me for Christmas. I read it, with tears streaming down my face, for hours.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? More of a re-deiscovery really. Hooked on Classics. This time on CD.
27. What did you want and get? A good job and a pregnant wife.
28. What did you want and not get? A jeep.
29. What was your favorite film of this year? I think I went to fewer movies this year than any year since I got my driver’s license.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I don’t think I really did much. I turned 27.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Finshing up the mortgage process.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? “Sweetie? What should I wear???”
    
33. What kept you sane? Who says I’m sane?
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Can’t really think of anybody offhand.
35. What political issue stirred you the most? Iraq.
36. Who did you miss? Drew, Shawna, Steve, Michelle, Jen, Kerry, Carol, & PJ
37. Who was the best new person you met? I don’t really think I met anyone new this year, but I’m closer than before with a number of people.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: Stuff works out.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"If not for you
My sky would fall,
Rain would gather too.
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all,
I'd be lost if not for you."
-George Harrison
“If Not for You”

Computers can do anything... including berate morons.

My company provides technical support to a local non-profit agency. Specifically, my predecessor designed a pair of MAMMOTH databases in Microsoft Access for them to track all of their operations. The databases are absolutely gigundo, so they require a certain amount of periodic maintenance.

The administrator in change of overseeing the database is basically computer illiterate. This would not be nearly as frustrating if it was not obvious that this was practiced illiteracy, cultivated for the sole purpose of providing an excuse for making ridiculous requests of the people who work on the database, namely me.

My predecessor used to get extremely frustrated because whenever she told the administrator that it was not possible to she what she wanted with their current computer setup, the administrator unfailingly responded with, "Yvonne, computers can do ANYTHING. You just have to tell them."

Yvonne, not being a confrontational person, would just bite her tongue and live with it. Or so I thought before today.

I was called to that office this morning because the administrator had managed to blow up the database. This wasn't a hug crisis, as far as I was concerned, because the database is backed up every day, so even in a worst case scenario, we could always pull the previous version off the backup tape and we'd be fine. However, it appeared to me once I looked at her machine that the problem she was encountering may be due to some sort of corruption of the macros, the small sub-programs that Yvonne had written into the original database. I decided to take a look at them and see if there was anything obvious that I could fix. What I found nearly sent me into convultions from laughing.

My former boss, always polite and well-mannered, had written custom error messages into the macros that would only show up when the administrator did something particularly hair-brained. Messages like "Wrong Button, Dummy" and "That's not the right way to do it. Duh!" were sprinkled throughout the macros. Great stuff.

I have a whole new level of respect for Yvonne, now.

Laterz.

Christmas Thank Yous

First things first-

I, again, must apologize for not writing as often as I ought. I realize that there are a certain group of folks who look forward to reading my blog and, though I question their rather alarming lack of taste in reading material, I still feel an obligation to update most often than I have the past while. Mea culpa.

I also have 1 request to send out.

Laura- If you’re reading this, could you grab my black leather jacket from your Grandpa’s front room if you visit him this week? I left it there when S.A. and I left and I can get it when I see you this weekend. Thanks a ton. (No obligation, I just thought you might be around there during the week.)

That said, today’s blog is pretty much a long thank you letter. It is, by and large, more serious than most of my blogs, so you’ll have to forgive me. If you’re looking for comedy, you should probably check back in tomorrow. I promise I’ll try to get back to normal.

• An extended and repeated Merry Christmas, Happy Chanuka, etc. to all the Poker Gang. Y’all are the biggest reason that Michigan again feels like home to me for the first time in 10 years.


• Liam- I’m happy to play surrogate dad when the situation dictates. Make sure your family knows, if they start to tease you that your friends feel a need to play that role, that I hope that my son turns out very much like you in many respects.


• Johnny & Adrian- I’m proud of you both. It’s not easy being the adults in a house full of really big kids.


• Skippy – You’re smarter than you let on. Don’t treat that like something about which you should be embarrassed. Keep following your musical dream. You’ve already shown more balls on that front than I was ever able to and I still regret that on a regular basis. DO NOT let day-to-day living take away from that. Corporate America will suck out your soul if you let it.


• Paul, Trav, Susanna, etc. – We love you all.


• Merry Christmas and a large Thank You to Kev. It’s kind of fun to be pushing 30 and to again have a “best friend”. Remember that, for all the jokes we make about your being a geeky, selfish bastard, you have an awful lot to offer. There are very few intelligent, polite, selfless people in the world. That should be a source of confidence for you, not of embarrassment.


• To the Tropic Cove Bowling Team – Thanks guys. This is the most fun I’ve even had with a team in any sport that I wasn’t coaching.


• Frog – You’re good people. You still irritate the piss out of me from time to time, but I can’t wait to watch what a great aunt you’ll be. Remember when I say I think you’re gonna be Aunt Ev that Aunt Ev was ALWAYS my favorite Aunt. I HOPE the Sam thinks you’re just like her.

• Mom & Pop- Thanks for everything this Christmas. Sorry we couldn't go to Church with you, but I think that the extra family time is way more valuable than church anway. As always you spent way too much money on us, but we certainly appreciate it.
  

• Danno & Sylv- I am incredibly blessed to have 2 sets of parents. Thank you for everything.
  

• Jeff & Matt - I now know what it would be like to have brothers. Thanks guys.
  

• Rachel - You've always been Sarah's best friend. Strangely, I'm starting to feel like you one of mine, too. Thanks.

• Joe- When that RoboSapiens learns to play baseball, let me know. Aunt Sarah & I both love you.

• To the entire Hamp Clan- Thanks for making me part of your family even when I know there are certainly times you'd probably like to deposit me in the nearest snowbank.

• Hello, Merry Christmas, and we miss you to the whole Barry Gang. Shawna, Michelle, Jen, Drew, Stev, Kerry, Dr. M, P.J., & J.K. We're stuck here in Michigan without a huge chuck of our family. Hopefully you all can make it to Michigan sometime this year once Sam's born.

And last, but certainly not least-

• Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and I Love You to S.A. You're my whole world, at least for the next 3 months or so.
  

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, etc. to everyone. I hope next year is as happy and fulfulling for all of you as this one has been for us.

Laterz

Whoohoo! 2 Days in a Row!

Interesting fact that may interest only me- Andrew Andrew pointed out that if my wife has any monogrammed stuff, she can soon give it to our son. He'll think it's just got his name on it.

Anyway, I stole a meme from Andrew Andrew. I do that quite often. Lucky you.

Name? Spike

Birthday? April 2nd. Obviously a day late.

Current location? In my office at work. Where else would I blog?

Eye Color? Blue

Hair Color? Hair? I don't need no steenkeen hair!

Height? 6 feet, 1 and 5/8 inches

Right Handed or Left Handed? Right

Your heritage? Mostly French on one side and North Irish on the other

The shoes you wore today? Scuffed up Payless "dress shoes"

Your weakness? I am indestructable. (Unless a somewhat oversized ego could somehow be interpreted as a weakness.)

Your fears? Too many to count.

Your perfect pizza? Ham & Pineapple

Goal you would like to achieve in 2006? Actually turn a profit in my golf shop.

Your most overused phrase on an instant messenger? Gotcha

First thoughts upon waking up today? Sweet. S.A.'s waking me up so I don't have to hear my g*dd*mn alarm.

Your best physical feature? My height

Your bedtime? No less than 45 minutes after S.A. goes to bed. Generally around 10:30

Your most missed memory? I miss college. It may sound cliche, but thems were some good times.

Pepsi or Coke? DIET Coke

McDonalds or Burger King? I am NOT a fast food guy. Doesn't matter what I eat. It all makes me sick.

Single or Group Dates? Single. S.A.'s not into the groups thing. ::nudge, nudge::

Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea? Lipton. (In a 20 oz bottle)

Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate

Cappuccino or Coffee? Prolly Cappuccino, but I'm okay with either.

Do you smoke? Hell no.

Do you swear? I'm doing my best to quit. I don't want my son to sound like me.

Do you sing? Every day. I used to sing in a band, but my stage fright was so bad I had to sing the first song with my back to the audience.

Do you shower daily? Yup.

Have you been in love? I am truly, deeply, rediculously in love. Thankfully, she's willing to put up with me, too. I suspect that may have something to do with my being the one who plows the driveway.

Do you want to go to college? Yup. I'm going be a pre-school teacher some day. At my current rate of study, that day will be in about 60 years.

Do you want to get married? Again? I don't think polygamy is for me.

Do you believe in yourself? I'm a mental mess. I have unreasonable confidence most of the time, but lately I spend way to much time worrying about screwing up the lives of everyone around me. (This whole having a kid thing is mentally kicking my ass.)

Do you get motion sickness? Only if the moving thing is a crowded elevator.

Do you think you are attractive? I know I'd do me.

Are you a health freak? Nope. I'm very health conscious, but way too lazy to really do it right.

Do you get along with your parents? Very well. (In-laws, too.)

Do you like thunderstorms? Love 'em.

Do you play an instrument? Piano and harmonica.

In the past month have you drank alcohol? Yes. I had a Woodchuck's at my sister's over Thanksgiving.

In the past month have you smoked? No

In the past month have you been on drugs? Lots of 'em. (ADD meds, antidepressants, allergy meds, etc.)

In the past month have you gone on a date? Nope. But I sit on the floor in front of my wife and talk to her belly as we watch TV most nights. That's waaaayyyy better.

In the past month have you gone to a mall? Yes. Also over Thanksgiving. I frickin' HATE the mall. And I REALLY HATE jewelry store clerks. I need a shirt that says "I'M JUST LOOKING! F**K OFF!"

In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos? No. I don't like Oreos.

In the past month have you eaten sushi? HELL NO.

In the past month have you been on stage? Nope

In the past month have you been dumped? No

In the past month have you gone skinny dipping? I haven't been skinny dipping since I got married.

In the past month have you stolen anything? Nope.

Ever been drunk? Uh. YEAH. (I do have a college degree.)

Ever been called a tease? Yup.

Ever been beaten up? No

Ever shoplifted? Long long ago. I shoplifted baseball cards in junior high. My Dad made me take 'em back in.

How do you want to die? When I was in 3rd grade, Mike Barney and I decided that we wanted to fall into a spring-loaded trash compactor covered in spikes. I'm not into slow deaths, but I'm all about gore.

What do you want to be when you grow up? I'm not gonna grow up. I wouldn't say I'm Peter Pan, but, come to thing of it, I do seem to have my own band of Lost Boys.

What country would you most like to visit? The UK. Lots of golf and everybody speaks English.

Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.

Sorry, Gang.

I just wanted to let y'all know that I am not, in fact, dead.

I know I've been shitty about updating this thing but life has been slightly insane lately.

A brief rundown of reasons for not writing-

1. I've been promoted to Director of my division at work. This may not seem like a hardship, but it's been rough. I was hired as a part-time tech trainer about 6 months ago. I was then promoted to office manager, but they didn't hire a new tech trainer so I was doing 2 jobs. Now I've been promoted to Director but we still haven't hired anyone new so I'm now doing 3 jobs and I'm going rapidly insane.

2. We're pregnant and we just found out it's a boy. Again, this is in no way a hardship, but it's taking a great deal of my mental faculties to deal with all the associated stuff on a day-to-day basis.

3. I'm a lazy bastard.

Anyway, I PROMISE I'll try to do better from now on. And on that note...

I HATE WINTER!!!!!!!

I cannot state this strongly enough. I know, you're saying, "Why the **** do you live in Michigan, then, dumbass???"

But I agreed to move back to MI (where I grew up) from Miami (where I went to college) when I got engaged. S.A. is also from Michigan and she stated, quite emphatically, that she was NOT going to live and have children in Miami. So we moved. However, days like the past couple
give me serious doubts about the wisdom of that decision.

I assume that, if you're a regular reader of S.A.'s blog, you've read a nice romantic view of the beauty of Northern Michigan under a layer of new-fallen snow. (I assume, because I haven't had time to read her blog lately.) I, on the other hand, will give you a more realistic view of things.

S.A. and I went to leave for work yesterday morning and found that, due to the 15" of snow we'd received overnight, there was absolutely no way we were going to be able to get our cars out of the driveway. I called my uncle, who lives a couple blocks away, and asked him if he could drive S.A. to work so she wouldn't be too late. He happily did so. And I went about trying to shove my driveway so I could leave.

All my life, I assumed that a paved driveway would be easier to keep clean during the winter. This is, of course, because I grew up with a long gravel driveway. The grass is always greener and all that jazz. I may have been correct. However, I did not take into account, when we moved into our house, that a paved driveway that goes dramatically uphill as it leads to the road is swiftly converted to an ice rink, from which no 2-wheel-drive car can escape, unless you are extremely diligent about plowing and salting. I'm not diligent.

More to the point, I didn't own a snow blower and the driveway is rather long, so shoveling over a foot of snow from it before work in the morning is a difficult proposition. However, as there did not seem to be any other option, I went to it.

I shoveled for about 20 minutes before I heard the sound of a tractor starting in my neighbor’s barn. I turned around and out he came, riding his John Deere. He buzzed up and down the driveway (Okay, maybe rumbled is a better term.) and signaled to me that the driveway was clear and I could now leave.

In reality, the only CLEAR part of the driveway was the layer of ice covering the pavement. I barely touch the gas and my wheels began to spin. Needless to say, I was still going nowhere. Obviously feeling pity for me, he backed his tractor up to my rear bumper, pushing the rear blade right up against my car are proceeded to push me up my driveway. Had I any pride at all, it might have been somewhat embarrassing.

By the afternoon, I had arranged to purchase a new snow blower. Unfortunately, snow blowers do not fit in the trunk of a '98 Nissan Sentra, so I also had to find someone with a vehicle to help me bring my new beast home. Since I was having significant difficulty finding anyone available before 5pm, when the store closed, I decided to attempt to use my uncle's 2-wheel-drive pickup. All of you who have tried to drive a 2-wheel-drive up a steep, extremely icy hill say it with me now.

Bloody moron.

I succeeded in fishtailing the truck ridiculously close to the front door of my house and only stopped when I realized that 6 more inches and I going to be parked in our entryway. I then called my dad and begged him to stop what he was doing and help me pick up my snow blower and move the truck back where it belonged. Thankfully, he complied.

I finished blowing the driveway at about 8pm. But not until I'd gotten another of our cars stuck and un-stuck.

I HATE winter.

Laterz