More wholy irrelevant facts about me.

1. Ten Years Ago: I had just started my senior year of high school. I lived with my folks, but not in the same building. I was actually thankful that they allowed me to live in the guest house most of the time. I didn’t realize that I was really doing them a favor by sparing them my presence. I drove a 1991 Teal Mazda Protégé that got 42 miles per gallon on a bad day, was, would go from 0 to 60 in under 6 minutes flat, and was lovingly know as “The Rice Burner”.
   
   Five Years Ago: In September of 2000, I was a newlywed living in Lansing, Michigan. I was a graduate student and teaching assistant at Michigan State University, teaching “Coaching Baseball/Softball” and “Intermediate Softball”. I also took 3 classes but I don’t remember them. I quit school after that semester. I drove a 1991 Dodge Caravan, given to me by my new Mother-In-Law, when she was unable to convince any poor sap to actually buy it from her. Though all the doors opened just fine from the inside, it only had one hatch that was useable to enter the vehicle. My students at MSU LOVED watching me climb through the rear hatch of my minivan and crawl through the vehicle up to the driver’s seat so I could spew blue smoke behind me exiting campus.
   
   One Year Ago: I was the store manager of 2 Blockbuster Video stores in Petoskey, as well as the owner of a small golf shop. I lived in a manufactured house on a very nice lot in P-town. I drove a ’98 Nissan Sentra with a number of Diversity bumper stickers on it, as well as power locks and windows. S.A. had just started a new job at the Woman’s Resource Center and we had been trying to start a family for a few months.
   
   Yesterday: I taught “Microsoft Excel: Level I” for The Learning Center. Sarah came home and craved Burger King food. Pregnancy is really strange. We don’t even LIKE Burger King… I helped dig a trench from my house to my shop so I can run gas line out to the furnace in the golf shop.
   
   Five Songs I Know All the Words To: I know every word to basically every song I’ve ever heard. That being said, I can easily perform on command-
   Rainbow Connection – Kermit the Frog
   Lodi – Creedence Clearwater Revival
   Studebaker – Jordan Zevon
   Oliver’s Army – Elvis Costello
   Crocodile Rock – Elton John
   
   Five Snacks: Edy’s Rocky Road Ice Cream, Sam’s Choice Crackers, Fresh Apples (Fresh is the key word. I don’t generally like apples from the store.), Garlic Melba Toast, Crab & Cocktail Sauce over Cream Cheese w/ Triscuits
   
   Five Things I'd Do With $100 Million: Pay off every college loan for every one of my friends; buy the 10 acres next to my parents and build a kick-ass barn-style house; build my own recording studio; give my parents whatever they figured to be able to retire TODAY; give the rest to Sylvia, because she and Danno help us out as often as my folks do and I know she’d find all sorts of great causes to give it to.
   
   Five Places I'd Run Away To: Miami, Miami, Miami, Miami, and for a change of pace, my folks house.
   
   Five Things I'd Never Wear: Anything supporting President Bush , anything supporting the republican party in general, a v-neck sweater, briefs (seriously, how do you guy in your tighty-whities stand it?), a raccoon. (Would you?)
   
   Five Favorite TV Shows: Queer as Folk, West Wing, Baseball Tonight, Any Detroit Pistons Telecast on FSN with Greg Kelser and Fred MacLeod, Celebrity Poker Showdown
   
   Five Greatest Joys: Having an Animated Discussion w/ My Wife While Driving, playing piano in the dark, napping with Roxie on my chest (even though I invariably wake up with a cold), poker with all "my kids", lying in bed with S.A. talking about all the great stuff we’re gonna do with the baby
   
   Five Favorite Toys: 3 words – SUPER MONKEY BALL. Also my Cleveland Launcher 400 Driver, Jeff’s postal Jeep (WHICH IS WHY I NEED MY OWN), Strat-O-Matic Baseball (1991 Season), my new Fire Poker from Yvonne
   
   1. What is your favorite word? Bean (Also my favorite person, hmm…)
   2. What is your least favorite word? Fidget (You hate it too, if you’d been told to stop doing it as much as I have.)
   3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? The ability to make me laugh out loud.
   4. What turns you off? REPUBLICANS!!!!!
   5. What is your favorite curse word? Goddamnmutherfuckingcocksmoke… (I got this from Nate, years ago.)
   6. What sound or noise do you love? My wife snoring. (Seriously)
   7. What sound or noise do you hate? Gunshots
   8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Professional musician
   9. What profession would you not like to do? Accountant
   10.If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? “There are some old people with funny-ass names waiting inside for you.” (Seriously, I hope God cusses like a sailor.)